let me explain first. I am a teenager in high school, my parent were never married. My mom lives in tennessee, and I live with my dad and his fiancé. Every year in the summer I visit my mom, she cooks for me food I haven't had in a long time, I see the family, I relax, have fun with her, and go places. Sorry If I don't list all the problems, it's already going to be a long post.
Before my dad had met his fiancé , after my mom left when I was about 10-11, it was just him and me, and during the day he left me with my grandparents during the day so I can go to school, and he goes to work, and we would go to a slot car track on Saturday where he hangs with his friends, and plays with his cars while I sit in the back and draw. Sunday would be our day. He would ask me would I want to do, you know like go to the movies, do nothing, buy a video game, or grocery shopping.
This only started a little later, and lasted a year of a few months. Then He had said he is going to have a friend over,and that I had met her before. I ask "just a friend" and he said just a friend. we would hang out with her on Sundays…That use to be my day that it would be just me and my dad. Then we started spending Saturday with her too. I thught she was nice, but she had her annoying points. Every now and then I would stay over at her house for the night so my dad can do stuff.We had even got to church with her a few time, even though I'm not religious , and she is a Jahova Witness,a nd got my dad into it, so he had a guy come over on saturday at 9 and practiced bible studies with him till 11 for about 3-6 months. I was about 13-14
When ever we spent time with her, I didn't really feel part of it. They would walk ahead of me, and talk and talk, and if I tried to ask something I had to repeat myself mutiple time before they hear me, they go "what?" and don't answer.
This year she had helped clean up the house, rip up the dirty carpet because my dogs and pissied anf crapped on it enough, and she had even cut up and threw out our old furniture which I like because they had always been in the house, and were part of my life, so we jsut sat on lawn chairs in the living room…She helped me get my room set up and everything, but I wanted to keep the drawing on the wall that my brother had drawn when He lived there, but she said no, so we painted over it. I asked If I could draw on the wall since it would be my room. She said no. I asked why and she said because, and left it at that. My dad has let her do all these things, yeah it's good, but she was also getting rid of part of my life, and memories. I asked if we would be getting similar furniture and said no because she didn't like the color. I knew she would move in one day but so soon. In June my dad said we were going to help her move some things to storage, and I said ok. I walked in and asked where her couch and everything was, because I didn't know. She said she was moving in and that hit my brain like a bus doing 100 towards a brick wall. I helped her move thing and she moved in the next week. She constantly had tried to make me do things, and my mother has said I don't have to listen to her, so I try to shrug off the command, but I get up and do it anyway or else she complains to my dad. Yeah I know chores are normal, but I do things at my own pace, and do them when they NEED to be done. IF I don't get up to do it fast enough (even before she moved in) she would tell my dad then I get yelled at.
I Went to Tennessee and had some fun,chilled, ate, etc. The whole time I was there my mom had tried to spend so much time with me even though she had to work, and she tried hard. She hadn't yelled at me once the whole month, and she hugged me before I went to bed, kissed my cheek, said she loved me, . My dad only says goodnight. Recently he hasn't. She made me feel loved, and she tried to make sure I was ok, and she even let me hug her for no reason, and hugged back, and let me hugged her when I felt sad. My dad only makes sure I'm fed. He is never interested in what I have to do. He is always on his phone when he is with me, and doesn't try to talk to me. Once I asked why he doesn't listen to me and he said because nothing I say is important, or that I always talk which is something I try not to do to much because I know my voice is annoying, and I try to spare people. My mom listened to me, and she makes me feel more at home then I ever do with my dad. On the occassion my dad is father like…for 5 minutes. HE relys on my grandparent to watch me.
His fiance has moved alot of this in the house, threw out alot of things as well…Ever since I came back It's so wierd that I don't even feel like I live there anymore, and I have been getting upset about it. SHe apologized saying she didn't want it to be like that, and I said it's fine(Even though I feel totally different) Even the kitchen is different, Every thing is in different drawers, there is dog food in the cupboard where we keep canned foods, and boxed planned meals, and pan in the drawer where we keep chips and noodles, and snack type foods. The drawer we kept a tray that had a pizza cutter, napkins, straws, ya know all that little stuff, is filled with other stuff. She even threw out all the spices and some cake mix i had got last year that I hadn't used. When I first saw that, and tried to find things they were still asleep, and I was livid. I just left the kitchen went back to room,and shut the door. And just laid down in bed to relax.
I've been quiet since I got back because I was tired and jet lagged, and jsut wanted to sleep. I've been getting an earful of complaints from my dad, he really hasn't been talking to me, I tried ti ask him something, but when I said "Hey dad." He just said "What!?" like he was angry, and they day had just started, and I had done nothing yet.
So I said never mind since I didn't want to get yelled at. I just sit in my room online, because no matter what I do, I get scolded for the smallest thing.
I know I'm school smart, but not much else, I don't know how to react to certain things other than staring or just saying thank you. I've tried being nice, doing what I'm told right away, staying out of the way, but it never works out, and my fristration is just building up. He sometimes threatens me to live with mom. I love her more than anything, btu i don't want to be in Tennessee. All my friends are hear.
I told my mom and she asked if she I wanted her to talk to him and that I have noticed he hasn't been spending time with me. I said no, and she said alright.
She asked why I haven't told him how I feel about his fiancé being there, and how I feel about everything and I told her why should I keep him from being happy. Me not liking here the way I'm told I should make me feel selfish. I have told her how I feel about her throwing things away and she "So? It could be worse, and if this is really the worst thing to happen to you, I have no sympathy" I left it at that.
I can't bring myself to ask my dad if we could spend a day together because I don't know how to talk to him anymore, and it's been so long it's awkward. Whenever I try to get him a hug he pushes me off for no reason, and makes up excuses.
I'm a good kid, I'm always told by everyone, but the way his fiance and he talks to me makes me feel like I'm a bad person. I don't mean to be..I don't know what to do. I try to talk to them but they ignore it. It only every now and then I ask them if we can get something next we do something do I really get a response…. I don't know how to process my emotions. I'm sad, but angry, and frustrated, but tired, I want to do something, but I feel I can't. I worry so much about little things that I feel he is starting to forget about the time we use to spend. I can't even say I love him any more…Everything is so different. I'm sad half the time or angry, I don't want to do anything or else I worry about what will happen, or I worry I'll have mood swings. I'm not good with words, and not the type to share my feelings unless I get into it, or someone asks. I don't know. I'm so confused. I jsut feel like getting a job,and find a small apartment building near my school, and live there with my cat. I feel alone, betrayed, unwanted, unneeded , and I feel I don't belong in my own home. Whenever I try to say how I feel I get scolded and told I can't have an opinion till I'm 18. I don't understand what going on, or how I feel, or anything. I'm jsut scared about what could happen. I miss my mom, and my brother because they both listened and understood, and actually took the time to listen.
Thank you for reading, and thank you for your time.
If you have anything to say that could help me, I could use the advice.
Sorry that it was really long, and confusing.